Avoidance Is Intelligence

 

Dia was the loving mother of a 7-year-old boy named Adi. Ever since Adi was an infant, doctors had advised Dia to be cautious—he was prone to colds and coughs due to allergies, especially during seasonal changes. Until he grew stronger, she needed to protect him from catching infections.

One rainy morning, Adi was getting ready for school. The rain was pouring outside, and just as he was about to step out, Dia appeared with a raincoat in hand.

"Adi, my dear, please wear your raincoat," she said gently.

Adi frowned. He had never liked raincoats. He loved the feel of rain on his skin—the freedom, the joy, the playfulness of it. “Mama, I don’t want to wear the raincoat,” he insisted. “I’ll change at school anyway. Let me just enjoy the rain!”

Dia knelt beside him and softly replied,
“I know you don’t like wearing it. And I also know how much you love the rain. I want you to enjoy it—but with protection. This raincoat will help you stay healthy, so you can keep enjoying the rain without falling sick.”

Adi paused, his little heart absorbing his mother’s words. He smiled, took the raincoat, and stepped out—dancing in the rain, safe and joyful.

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Dear readers,

Sometimes, what looks like avoidance is actually protection.

Our nervous system, much like Dia, constantly works to protect us—not just physically, but emotionally and energetically.
We often label this as avoidance or ghosting. But is it really about the situation or the person we’re avoiding?
Or are we actually shielding a part of ourselves that feels vulnerable, unsafe, or emotionally exposed?

Think about the last time you avoided a situation, a conversation, or even a person.
Ask yourself honestly:

• Was I avoiding them?

• Or was I avoiding my own fear, shame, judgment, or emotional fatigue that might come from that interaction?

Unlike boundaries, which are chosen with clarity and communicated with intention, avoidance often happens when we’re overwhelmed and unable to regulate our emotional system.

Avoidance isn’t always a flaw. It’s a signal—a sign that there’s something unresolved inside us.

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Let’s reframe it:

• When someone avoids you, it may not be rejection—it may be their nervous system asking for space to prevent emotional overwhelm.

• When you avoid someone or something, take a pause and ask:

  "What am I afraid of?"
  

  "What is my nervous system trying to protect me from?"

Avoiding isn't good or bad in itself. But avoiding your own emotions without understanding them can leave you stuck in a loop of unconscious fear.

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So here’s my invitation:

Next time you feel yourself—or someone else—avoiding, take a breath.

Don’t rush to judgment.

Offer space.

Offer grace.

Because sometimes, the emotional raincoat we wear isn't meant to block joy—
it's there to help us heal before we fully feel again.